Use Body Language to Up Your Game

As promised back in December in my post The Power of Giving, I'd like to reflect on the lecture given by Janine Driver at the Massachusetts Conference for Women and show you how to use body language to up your game. Alternatively we could call this approach Fake It Til You Make It.  It's about bringing your attention to your own unconscious behaviors and impressions, so that they work for you and not against you. Citing the universal "winning posture" of athletes, both blind and sighted, Ms. Driver posits that our posturing is hard-wired and two-directional.  We instinctively adopt certain posturing as a reflection of our attitude and mind state, and conversely, we can create our own internal landscapes by consciously altering our posture.  In other words, the cues run both ways: our bodies take cues from our brains, and our brains follow deliberate shifts in our bodies. What's more, our own minds aren't the only ones susceptible to the influence of posture.  Our posturing has the power to cue the attitudes and mind states of those around us.  In a business age where you are your brand, this is great news--IF you learn to harness the potential.  People look to your "posturing" to make decisions about the credibility of your business and the desirability of doing business with you. This principle applies to posturing in the broadest sense, including the "posture" of your written and phone communication.  Think your mind state doesn't translate to your email messaging?  Think again. I get about a dozen guest post pitches a day.  With each, I find myself reading between the lines.  Each blogger's attitude and confidence level comes screaming through their writing. I assume those who reflect a calm assuredness have either had an affirming experience of their professional writing or have learned to consciously project authority. Still don't believe me?  Check out these three sample email pitches (all are real-I've removed personal details to protect the identity of these individuals): 

Hello, I've been enjoying your site, and I would love to contribute a guest post. I am a freelance writer, and I frequently cover topics aimed at businesswomen. My writing has been featured on MyCorporation.com, Brazen Careerist, and PARADE magazine. Here are a few article ideas: **** You can see samples of my writing on my website here: **** Thank you for your consideration. All the best,****

 To me, this message reads as confident and credible.  This writer has not taken too many pains to convince me of her credibility (too much can be a red flag), but she said enough.  I will follow up. 

Hello Megan, Sorry to disturb you :( I just wanted to know did you get a chance to look at my previous mail? Please let me know your thoughts. Looking forward to hearing back. Sincerely, ****

This messaging seems apologetic, unsure. Oh wait, he did apologize.  He opened with an apology!  This is always a bad idea--in fact, in my opinion, there is little occasion for apology in professional communication.  Unless you've really flubbed up or failed to deliver, don't apologize!  It makes it seem like you don't know if you provide value. Here's one more example that doesn't include an overt apology, but still feels uncertain: 

Hello, I hope my email finds you well. My name is**** and I am a writer at **** I would like to post a great article on your website. I think it would delight your readers. How does it sound? Thank you. All the best,****

Take a few minutes and go through your own inbox (and more importantly, your sent folder).  Notice the voice and authority level that comes through these communications. Pay attention to the email communications you receive from highly successful people.   Take business mogul Derek Halpern, for instance.  When I first stumbled onto his website I didn't know who he was or that he had a massive following, but his messaging signaled me to believe that he knew what he was talking about.  Likewise, with Marie Forleo. Admittedly, there's a bit of a chicken and egg conundrum here.  Did Derek & Marie convey confidence to become so successful, or is their confidence a byproduct of success?  I think at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter.  The fact is, projected confidence is felt and produces results.  And as we're about to explore there are deliberate actions you can take to posture yourself and your business confidently.  So whether or not you are currently successful, you can be. Here's some posturing do's & don'ts from body language expert, Janine Driver, who is so experienced in reading body language she's been employed by law enforcement agencies to "read" the guilt of suspected parties:   

DO:

• Be expansive. Take a wide-legged stance, roll your shoulders back, and don't be afraid to take up space in a room. This posture signals confidence and a right to be present.
• Think more about where your belly button is pointing.  The common wisdom says it's eye contact that exudes confidence, but actually the angle of your body says more.
• Think about your position in a given environment. We frame what is valuable. Seek to place yourself centrally, using the props around you as a frame. For instance, when approaching someone in an office, don't go all way into the room; rather use the doorway as a frame--it will enhance your visibility, making it more likely the other party will hear you. Remember the mantra: frame yourself to fame yourself.
• Take a seat at the middle of a table whenever possible.  This defies the common logic about sitting at the head, but research shows that people seated at the middle of the table are perceived as leaders. This is especially helpful for introverts, as your quiet will be perceived as power.
• Hold your chin in your hand. This is an intrinsically authoritative posture.  When you are faltering in a situation, grabbing your chin can level things out.  This works even if you are communicating by phone or email.  Remember the mantra: when you grab your chin you're about to win.
• Posture your hands in the basketball steeple.  Not sure what this is? Oprah uses it all the time.  A "steeple" hand posture is placing your hands in front of your body, with fingers fanned out and touching at the tips--in Hollywood this is frequently used to depict confident or devious characters.  It can come across as arrogant, though, which is why Ms. Driver recommends the Oprah modification of the "basketball steeple" - this is the classic steeple posture with at least enough space between the fingers to fit a basketball.  Notice that when you strike this posture, even while speaking on the phone (and the other party can't see you) you will exude greater confidence and command more respect.  You can see Oprah modeling the "basketball steeple" HERE.

DON'T:

• Implode your body language. Imploding is anything that makes your body more compact, so that you take up less space.  Open up.  Uncross your legs and arms.  Not only will others perceive you as strong, you will trigger a chemical change in your own being by exploding your body language.
• Fold your hands or hold your wrists.  It sends the message that you are unsure and need reassurance.  When you find yourself grabbing your arm with your opposite hand, remember the mantra: the higher the hold, the more anxiety is told.
• Shrug your shoulders.  It's a nonverbal way of taking back what you say.
• Say "Don't" (Yes, I see the irony here). Research shows that we can't register the word "don't" in the language centers of our brains.  So if you spend time talking about what you don't want, you are actually reinforcing those things in the other person's mind.  Instead, speak powerfully and consistently about what you DO want.

 "First we make our habits, then our habits make us." -- John Dryden 

What aspects of posturing will you be paying attention to this week? Have you been speaking confidence or uncertainty in your body language?  Please share in the comments -- We love to hear from you!!