On Being Enough

If you’re like most women, you have that insistent little voice in your head… the one that is always playing in the background like a song on repeat… over and over and over.  The little voice that tries to fool you into thinking that you’re not enough. Not smart enoughNot talented enoughNot tall enoughNot skinny enoughNot pretty enoughNot loved enoughNot respected enough The list goes on, and on and on...  It keeps you awake at night, filling your mind with a heap of negative thoughts, cluttering your mind and your spirit. Leaving you in a fog, spinning in circles, and holding you back from the thing that you actually want.  This voice that can very easily tear you down and break you into a million pieces, if you’re not careful.  The good news is, you’re not the only one with this song stuck on repeat in your head. We ALL hum variations on this theme song.  Some of these voices are louder than others, while some are covert in their ways of keeping us small and hiding out inside our comfort zone.  The challenge is to not let that inner voice, bring you down or hold you back.  I know – that’s much easier said than done.But isn’t having a happy, more joyful, and satisfying life worth the effort at taming that inner voice of fear, doubt, and shame - that little voice in your head that gets in your way of success?  Like an invisible force field that keeps you down, this inner resistance holds you back and has you compromise your values just to avoid change – avoiding stepping into your full power as an amazing woman and contributing your gifts to the world!  The tricky part is overcoming this inner voice.The challenge is, it’s hard wired.  It comes from the deep recesses of your reptilian brain, your “Lizard Brain.”  I like to call her Amy.  Amy is your Amygdala. Your Amygdala is your fight or flight mechanism that is trained to keep you safe. It’s part of your physical brain that is located near your brain stem and is responsible for fear and rage and your reproductive cycle.  So you’re probably wondering: “If Amy is hard wired, how the heck am I supposed overcome her, with all her tricks, stories and resistance?”  

Here are some simple steps to help you better manage Amy and her antics.

Step #1: Notice

Notice, where your fears and doubts are holding you back.Where are you stuck, swirling in an eddy, unable to move forward?  What’s the chatter that you notice going on in your mind about your abilities, your talents, your relationships, etc.?Are these conversations lifting you up or bringing you down?  When you can become conscious to the inner dialogue that is playing in your head, then and only then, can you figure how to change the tape for a more empowering narrative from which to create your success.  Fear is mostly a pigment of your imagination, in all it's colors, shapes and varieties. What will you create with it? CLICK TO TWEET   

Step #2: Choose

If your conversations with Amy are bringing you down then it is incumbent upon you to find a more empowering perspective to try on.  If she’s telling you, “You can’t possibly do X!”, then ask yourself, “What is the exact opposite of that negative thought?” (i.e. “You CAN do X”!).  Identify a variety of various different perspectives in between that you can try out that support your success and see which one actually feels better. Yup.  Look for the thought that actually feels better in your body (not in your head). One that you can believe.  Choose this new, more empowering perspective and try it on like a new pair of fabulous shoes and wear it for a week. Notice what shifts in your experience.Notice what shifts in your experience.    Changing your thoughts is like changing your outfit. Try on a new thought until you find one that feels comfortable. CLICK TO TWEET   

Step #3: Create

Create your environment for success. Ideally, you want both your inner and outer environment to support your postive thinking and actions.  Your outer environment is often a reflection of your inner environment. If your outer environment isn’t supporting your success, then it might be time for some clutter clearing.  Room by room… make a concerted effort to go through the various areas in your life that are overwhelmed with mounds of mess, stacks of stuff, or closets filled with clutter.  You’ll be amazed at how cathartic it can be to let go of the paper, stuff and leftover “baggage” from previous relationships, roommates, family etc. that you no longer need (or forgot you even had). Send it all on to new homes or recycle what you can!  This will help to clear out old, stuck energies that can also suck the life right out of you, bringing down your spirit and keeping you wedged between a negative thought and a hard place.  For your inner environment, develop regular habits such as a daily gratitude practice, meditation, prayer, exercise, and play to support your health and well-being. Each of these will help quiet Amy and foster a more relaxed version of you that others will notice.  If you’re body is filled with stress and tension, and doesn’t have healthy food to fuel your fire, then you can expect things to break down. By taking time to support your body, mind and spirit, you’ll feel better physically, you’ll have a more positive attitude, you’ll be able to tackle challenges with greater clarity and less stress. Combined, this creates an upward spiral of feel goodness!  There is an endless well of peace within you. Find it and breathe it in deeply, like the smell of a fragrant flower.< CLICK TO TWEET  

Step #4: Retrain Your Brain

Amy is a pretty clever gal. She has all sorts of sneaky ways of keeping you stuck and swirling in a vortex of worry, fear and doubt about a myriad of different things on any given day.  Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to retrain your brain to tune into a positive and empowering channel. One that supports your success, inspires you into action, and encourages you to share your natural talents and genius with your community, all the while keeping Amy quiet, happy, and content.  Here are 4 simple brain hacks to help tap into your brain’s natural supply of “Happy Chemicals” so you take better control of Amy instead of letting her run you ragged with her latest version of “The Sky is Falling! - The Sky is Falling!”  Meet Your Happy Chemicals: Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins [DOSE] Dopamine: Helps you take action towards goals, desires and needs. It is generated at the anticipation of achieving or striving towards something. It incentivizes you to make progress and get things done and it gives a surge of reinforcing pleasure when achieving them. Hack: Break big goals down into a series of mini goals that you can easily achieve and celebrate achieving (say with a mani-pedi!). This will help release more dopamine into your system and elevate your happiness factor.  Oxytocin: Also known as the cuddle hormone, it helps create strong bonds, intimacy, trust and healthy relationships. It also lowers your cortisol levels, increases your interest in your work and raises your cognitive abilities for problem solving and creative thinking. Even better, it boosts your immune system, lowers your blood pressure, and increases your libido! It can be generated through social bonding, eye contact and attentiveness. Hack: Go for the hug instead of the handshake! Doctors recommend giving the gift of a hug at least 8 times a day (Giving small gifts to a friend or loved one will also do the trick).  Serotonin: Is generated when you’re feeling significant, important or valued. It boosts your feeling of confidence, making you feel good and elevating your mood. Hack: Reflect on past achievements and accomplishments while you sit in the sun for 20 minutes. Your skin will absorb the UV Rays, which produces vitamin D and releases serotonin. Thinking about the things you’re grateful for in your life that have value and importance to you is another way to boost this happy chemical.  Endorphins: Released in response to stress or pain, endorphins help reduce depression and anxiety. It acts as a sedative and anesthetic to diminish the perception of pain as your muscles work through hard labor or exercise. Hack: Eat dark chocolate while laughing! Along with the scents of vanilla and lavender, dark chocolate and laughter are known to boost the release endorphins into your system. Regular exercise is also another great way to get those endorphins flowing (however, eating chocolate while exercising might not be prudent!).   So next time you catch yourself stuck on the “I’m not good enough channel,” remember these 4 simple steps to help you shift your perspectives and find a more positive and powerful place from which to stand.  Doing so, will help you create more of the life you want, little-by-little, step-by-step, thought-by-thought.   

Enough or Not Enough? Which will it be?